Thoughts on 5

I'm struggling with 5.

...  1 was it's own milestone --- it brought on the year Jocelyn finally walked, the year I stopped breast feeding, the year she stopped being an infant.
...  2 brought us into toddlerhood --- learning so much, with music and activity and play.
...  3 came with new interests --- in friends, art, swimming and new experiences.
...  4 was a tough one because it meant preschooler --- and independence.

But now we have arrived at 5.  This number 5 does not mean good things to me.  It's going to be the toughest one by far.  Up until now, Jocelyn was my little one, my baby, toddler, whatever ---  but still primarily MINE.

Five represents to me...   CHILD, LITTLE GIRL, KINDERGARTNER.

When Jocelyn was born, age 5 was eons away.   So far in the future my imagination couldn't grasp the concept.  And I didn't need to.  Why think about something that wasn't coming for a long, long time.

But now we have arrived at 5.  And I'm not ready.  I'm not ready to see my baby grow up.  I'm still so surprised sometimes how present and interactive and opinionated :-) and part of everything, Jocelyn is.  She makes each day interesting, and fun, and memorable and ours.

Five represents the year she will enter Kindergarten.  I will mourn the loss of preschool.  We love her preschool.  The teachers are amazing, the co-op style gives me so many opportunities to be a part of what is going on in Jocelyn's life.  Kindergarten will take her away from me from 9:00 am until 4:00 pm Monday through Friday.  I can't stand the thought.  Everyone I talk to says Elementary school teachers LOVE parent volunteers.  Count me in!  But it still won't be the same.

So now we have arrived at 5.  I love my sweet little girl, but I really don't like 5.